How your smartphone is killing your sex life

Nearly 62% of women would have already stopped sex to watch their mobile phone, a much higher score than men at 48%. And this is not the only consequence of smartphones on the sexual life of couples.

A survey of VoucherCodesPro, conducted on 1747 people, is final. The figures show that 62% of the women participating in the questionnaires admit having already interrupted a sexual intercourse to watch their mobile phone, compared to 48% of their male partners. How to explain this act?

Catherine Lejealle: Having no more information on the type of calls to which women respond, we can only put this number against the studies on “care”, namely the care of children and the family. Surveys show that men carry out predictable tasks such as booking a train ticket for the child who goes to the grandparents’ home or the online request for formalities while the women are in charge of the unpredictable part.

They are the ones the nursery school or school calls if the child is injured or for any other emergency. They are therefore the contacts for incoming calls. This may explain why women look more at their mobile during a report.

The Smartphone is more and more present in the intimacy of the couple. How can this influence

Mobile does not act in a unique way for everyone. The couple’s communication habits must be taken into account, and if they can be contacted during the day. In any case, because of unlimited plans, the rise of writing in all relationships (including professional) there is an inflation in the number of sms, mails, selfies, MP etc … sent within couples. And a densification of communications, an opportunity to be connected all day and share in real time everything that happens. So, for many of us, the bond of love and the links with the best friends is fed, maintained by the mediated exchanges.

The mobile brings new opportunities for exchange formats including written that can disinhibit, daring and for the shy at least in the nascent love phase, to express things that we have not yet the courage to to say face to face. These opportunities must be seen as opportunities, plus, that add to what already existed – free to everyone to use them or not.
Is it true that the more we use “digital privacy” (the love link through the phone through texting and other applications), the less privacy is preserved?

No, there is no deterministic relationship. As I said above, text messages or sextos or videos are added and do not substitute. They can weave intimacy and replay to provide comfort and pleasure during times when one is away because one is at work!

The loss of privacy happens as in the movie Sex Tape when sync via the cloud makes these videos and private exchanges completely public and visible. Researchers at the University of Missouri interviewed hundreds of Facebook users between the ages of 18 and 82, who say that using the network on their mobile phones has increased conflict in their relationship.

How does the use of the site increase jealousy within the couple?

This study addresses another aspect which is the mediatization of the relationship and the visibility of the digital traces that each leaves or leaves. There are essentially 3 scenarios that pose a problem. Firstly the photos or information that a partner puts in its news – it may not please – because the photo that puts us in scene is not pretty and we are not there to his advantage – but this is exactly the same as with friends who post photos of drunk parties or others that do not showcase us or that we do not want to see published.

Secondly, very often at the beginning of the relationship, the status: one still considers himself single whereas the other considers that no, they are engaged – that inevitably hurts! but in life outside the keyboard too-we could already have time for our ancestors to observe quarrels when in public one considered that the other was a pretty heart.

Finally 3rd reason, photos and info filed by others featuring the spouse – there also the other feels excluded, rightly or wrongly, especially as this exhibition is public and you wonder where you you were – it’s like in Shakespeare’s king learner, which is a problem because the third girl publicly says she loves her father like a father but she will one day love one more man – that’s public affront which is problematic and compels him to react because he feels.

Finally 3rd reason, photos and info filed by others featuring the spouse – there also the other feels excluded, rightly or wrongly, especially as this exhibition is public and you wonder where you you were – it’s like in Shakespeare’s king learner, which is a problem because the third girl publicly says she loves her father like a father but she will one day love one more man – that’s public affront which poses problem and compels him to react because he has the impression to lose the face – in the intimacy of a living room this confession would have been without consequences.

So the 3 reasons are that we no longer control the communication and the image we want to give of his / her / its couple – what is new, it is the multiplication of the means to be put in scene and thus the impossibility of everything master because we are not the only issuer to publish on his couple

Another study from Oxford University links the use of social networks to marital satisfaction. The more couples discover the exciting lives of others on social media, the more likely they are to see their own disappointment and contempt.

How is the relationship in the relationship structured since we are ultra-connected?

Here again we come to another aspect of the conjugal relationship in the digital age, that of comparing our lives to those staged by others. How can the success of the loft story be explained? for the first time everyone could observe the intimacy of others and in this case an emptiness, a life little thrilling – which gave the impression that his was so!

Today everyone has acquired a skill to stage themselves, to inform others of all that is done by giving the impression that even a simple cup cake is extraordinary and this leads to an overbid – it is important to know to take time away from the spotlight, moments that we live fully for ourselves without being inside and outside – that is to say, without being in the process of living and watching ourselves live it. In addition to being rare and desired has many advantages: what we post has more values.

Moreover, Michel Foucault spoke of panopticon to describe the prison world – with watchtower towers that allow everyone to see each other without anyone having any privacy. It’s fun to see how we’re doing it on our own and keeping in mind that we need those moments of respite.

Finally, Erving Goffman, a prominent sociologist specializing in interaction rites, speaks from behind the scenes to describe the spaces where relationships are formed far from the limelight and self-realization. To renounce it would be to deprive ourselves of a modality constituting our condition of social animal.

What solutions can be found to preserve the couple from this technological intrusion? How to talk about it?

Remember that there is no bad tool but only bad uses that happen because devices evolve very quickly and add features. Everyone is intoxicated by the ability to publish content, share it, see them comment. We feel ourselves to exist, to be present to the world. Financial and technical locks are lifted: Unlimited plans and 4G make it possible to maintain social media content continuously. Before posting content, we must ask ourselves the question of the agreement of the other and whether in a few years we will still want all this to be visible and public. As long as you do not have to make small dinners alone with no selfies to inform others or other quality moments without publication, there is no risk of intrusion. In the same way as for friendly relations, it is tempting to participate in the whirlwind of photos and content to share and call for comments.